Love and hate: Why do we hate without hesitation but keeps love hidden
The need for love will most probably turn into hate when they can’t figure out what is going on.

ByTomthin Soubam

Updated on 21 Jun 2020, 5:27 am

Representational image (PHOTO: Unsplash)

Representational image (PHOTO: Unsplash)

Love is blind. This phrase is perhaps the most well known phrase about love. Yes, we do know that love is a feeling which is not always necessarily rational. And this might be the reason behind this famous phrase. Biologically speaking love is an increase in certain hormones in the body in response to certain situations. This makes the being feel different kind of feelings – brave, shy, jealousy, possessiveness, patience, intimacy, excitement and many more. When in love the being does not care for itself, even for its own life, if the loved one needs help. Here it shows selflessness and bravery, but some will say that it is stupidity. No living being wants to die but for their loved ones they put their precious lives in danger. This is an instinct that is in all living beings; to pass down their genetic material. Even simple beings have their own unique tricks and skills to achieve the goal. This is the same with human beings and as humans are more complex, their mating ritual takes more time and is more complex. And generally almost all beings take utmost care of their offspring. These might be what love is.

And something mysterious about love is the manner in which lovers are connected. But some say that it is not mysterious and it all depends on being in the right time and the right place saying all the right words. Even if they say so, it is evident that we cannot say when the right time is, where the right place is and what the right words are. Therefore, love is nevertheless a mysterious or unexplainable thing to some extent.

As there are opposite sides to any given thing. There is hate having a standoff with love. Hate is somewhat easier to define. It is some feeling where one wish all the negative things for someone or something. It might be because of being said the wrong words at a bad place in a bad time. And it might be because of receiving information in a way that was not meant to be.

Relation between love and hate

The two opposite poles have an inseparable relation. When anyone or anything comes in between love, then hate pops up and hates that someone or something. And in other cases hate somehow turns into love. It maybe because of gradually knowing more and more about the thing that is being hated.

Also there is hate in love. Mainstream movies and literature might say that if one loves truly then there is absolutely no place for hate. But, in reality we hate ourselves or our loved ones when things turn out the other way and we are left helpless. And again when our loved ones act in a stupid way we hate them, not as a whole but only the stupid part.

But the mesmerizing thing about love and hate is that we can easily sniff out hate but it is hard to detect love.

Why are we afraid to express love?

Love, in books and quotes is something beautiful, positive and powerful. But our societies has programmed us in a way that we objectify love and gives many attributes to it. In other words, love has evolved and has given itself many attributes or criteria so as to be called as “love”. However, even if long detailed definitions are given about love, at last love is something that is felt. And this feeling can’t be denied just because it doesn’t meet the criteria of love given by the society.

Sadly, since society is bigger and more powerful than the individual they are afraid to express what they feel. They can’t act the way they feel and it leaves them frustrated and depressed. But in cases where love is strong the barriers of the society stands no chance.

How is it that we can hate very easily?

The simple and straightforward answer to this is – misunderstanding. We hate when we do not see through what is going on at the other side. When we learn to put our feet in the shoes of others we find it hard to hate them as we understand why they are the way they are.

On another note, hate is something which does not require much effort. And as we evolved from savages we tend to approach a difficult situation with brute force at first.


In difficult times like this people are left isolated without proper guidance. And how people are behaving in social media shows that psychiatrists and psychologists needs to intervene. The teenagers are the ones that are the most vulnerable as they are already in the ‘storm and stress’ period. They need affection, care, guidance and an ear that they trust. They are confused but they do not know that they are. Attention from people is what they crave in order to forget the absence of affection and care. As there seems to be a lot of free time, not only teenagers but adults and older people have also started to feel frustration and began to question questions relating to the meaning of life as a whole and the meaning of their existence and so on. But this leads to more stress and then depression because they cannot get a definite answer. The government and related authorities must come forward to help them utilize that free time so as to prevent chaos in the future. The need for love will most probably turn into hate when they can’t figure out what is going on.

Coming back to our main theme. As we have now evolved into a wiser and more capable primate we should approach any situation with patience and understanding. And as for the societies’ expectation about love, it does not really matter. If the society and their customs forces individuals to fulfil their expectations on “love” there will always be “hate” standing tall behind. And how to channelize that hate depends upon the individual’s skills and interests. 


First published:21 Jun 2020, 5:27 am


Tomthin Soubam

Tomthin Soubam

Special Contributor, Imphal, Manipur

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